Gabrielle (00:00)
None of the stuff that you’ve heard of doing a tourniquet, sucking it out, cutting it. None of that works is actually harmful.
people don’t recommend that you do it. People who know what they’re talking about, medical professionals, don’t recommend that you do that. Right.
Gabrielle (00:30)
Welcome to this fucking trail home to brutally honest takes on Texas trails hiking hilarity and all things adventure II I’m your MC John and I’m here to warn you that this podcast is not for young children or anyone with a sensitivity to swears or strong opinions Speaking of strong opinions over to the hiking hostess with the most this Intrepid Explorer and affirmed potty mouth not to mention my wife Gabrielle. Yep, that’s me
Today is a trip report episode, an episode in which I review my most recent trips, complete with trials, tribulations, mistakes made, lessons learned, and adventures had. These episodes are meant to be a source of inspiration and education for anyone looking to take a similar trip. And today is a really special trip report episode. We are recording this live, so to speak. I just got back from the River District of Big Bend Ranch State Park,
and you have not heard any of this yet. I have not heard anything. I’ve seen some snaps. I sent you pictures and a couple videos. I’ve seen some videos. I’ve seen mostly just pictures and that is pretty much all that I know about it. Yeah so all of your reactions are going to be completely authentic.
You haven’t heard any of this. We’re going to see what you think of this trip. am anticipating the the usual level of misadventure and diagonal things happening off the off the plan. There was a lot of misadventure. This was a hard trip, but.
You know that you know, I was anxious on this trip, but there’s a lot of stuff you don’t know. Anyways, let’s let’s talk about this trip. This was kind of a last minute event. It kind of was. I knew I wanted to go somewhere, but.
everything didn’t come together kind of until the last minute. So it was supposed to be a four day trip to Big Bend Ranch State Park on the River District. I recently went to the interior of Big Bend and that was my first time by myself in the interior. So for anybody who doesn’t know, there are kind of two different parts to Big Bend Ranch State Park. There’s the interior of the park and you have to drive on roughly 30 miles, a very
raided gravel road to get in there. It’s a whole ordeal to get into the interior. Yeah, but they have the river district as well, which is completely paved and you have access to quite a few trails along that district. It’s right on the border of Texas and Mexico. Yeah. And so that’s where I went this time because I had never been there and checked out those trails extensively. Yeah, we I think on our first trip to Big Bend Ranch State Park,
We drove that road because I wanted to stop and do some of the shorter trails. I knew we were going to be spending most of our time in the interior. And the interior is primarily where I’ve been. Yeah, I’ve I’ve done like the sort of the really well known very, short trails of the River District, like Closed Canyon. But I haven’t really done anything else down there. I’ve stopped and I’ve done like the beginning of who do’s I think. that’s.
Yes, that I think I think I’ve now described the totality of my hiking experience down there. Yeah. So the road that you drive on that you’re referencing is 170. It’s a gorgeous drive. We’ll do a drive. Yeah. We’re to do an episode about 170 and the drive in Big Ben National Park. The Ross Maxwell Scenic Drive. We’re going to kind of compare them, but they’re both great drives.
So I was going along 170. There’s some campgrounds there and a lot of trails. Yep. And this was supposed to be a four day trip. Again, kind of came together at the last minute. It’s April, 2025. So kind of bordering on the hotter edge. Maybe you should not be hiking in Big Bend Ranch. But when I checked the weather forecast, it was, I say only, slated to be in the mid 90s. So I thought I could get away with it. Yeah.
I left on a Friday and I woke up at 1 30 a.m. on Friday morning and I contemplated leaving, but then I decided that was a bad idea and that I should go back to sleep. I think I had planned to leave at 4 30 or 5 a.m. Yeah, you told me 4 30. OK, well, I woke up then again at 4 o’clock that morning and I was like, fuck it, I’m just going to go.
so I was supposed to stop at Elephant, I think it’s called Elephant Tusk Wilderness Management Area. I did stop there, but I wasn’t able to get the permit I needed to hike. And so I skipped the wilderness management area and went straight to Big Bend Ranch State Park, where I stopped at Barton Warnock Ranger Station. And so this is where I needed to check in for my campsite.
had a really hard time figuring out what campsite or what campground to stay at on the River District. So from what I could tell from online, there’s three different campgrounds. There’s Grassy Banks Campground, there’s Upper Madeira Canyon Campground, and there’s Lower Madeira Campground. And there’s really on the park’s website,
They don’t really give a description. There’s no pictures. Like there’s no information online. And I googled the shit out of this stuff, like trying to figure out which which one should I pick and why. But I failed. I had no idea which one to pick. So as I was looking online, I saw that Upper Madeira Campground only had three that were available.
and the grassy banks and Lower Madeira had like 17 plus campgrounds that were available. And so to my mind, I thought, Upper Madeira campground must be really popular, because that’s why there’s only three that are available. Sure. I’ll get a campground there, so I’ll be around other people and I’ll feel more comfortable. Well, imagine my surprise when at Borton Warnock, I check in and the ranger’s like,
yes, the campgrounds are first come first serve. You get to pick which one you’re at as long as there’s nobody there. and by the way, you’re the only person there tonight. so there are only three. There are only three campgrounds at Upper Madeira Campground. I was very sad that I learned that at that time. So I drive over there and I’m driving our
Honda Insight, which gets much better gas mileage than our Honda Pilot. But when I got to the campground to turn off of 170 onto the road to get to the campground, it’s gravel. Ah, fun. Yeah. And it’s like fine for a regular car, except that we don’t have eight ply tires on the Honda Insight. That’s only on
Honda Pilot, right? So we just have regular ass tires on this car. And so all I could think about as I was driving around these campsites to try to figure out where I wanted to set up was, my God, I’m going to pop a tire and then I’m going to be on a spare and I have to drive seven and a half hours to get home. There were a lot of regrets that I didn’t take the Honda Pilot. Yeah, I mean, you know, road tires are usually
fine on light gravel. I know I say light gravel like I’m thinking of like your standard gravel road, not necessarily your Big Bend Ranch gravel road, which can be a whole different animal. But yeah, I mean, it was probably fine. I was I was taking this road at like four to five miles an hour. Yeah. So anyhow, in fairness, you know, for anyone who doesn’t know what a Honda Insight is, you could be forgiven for that. It’s functionally a Prius. Yeah, it’s a little bitch of a car.
Well, I wouldn’t say that it’s it’s just it’s very low to the ground. It’s very light. Well, while we’re talking about the inside, let me just tell you that I had a hard time getting up some of those hills on 170. Well, that’s fair. Yeah, I was like, my God, I don’t know if this car is going to make it up. you know, I feel like I feel like maybe we took it last time and we had a hard time getting up the hills. No, that was the pilot. but we also had.
three adults, a child and all of our shit. Yeah, we did have like 500 pounds of crap probably with us anyways. Moving on. Anyhow, so I picked the best of the three campgrounds, I guess. I set up my tent, I set up my hammock and then it was probably it was about three o’clock in the afternoon. So I decided I wanted to go hike to feel what it was like to be hiking at that time of day because I had a big hike planned for the next day.
So I drove, I was gonna go down and do Hoodoo’s trail because like you said, we had done the tip of it last time. Not the whole thing. It’s a 0.9 mile trail, I believe. And so I wanted to go see the whole thing. So as I was driving, I saw a pull-off to access the Rio Grande River. And I thought, oh, I wanna go down here and see the Rio Grande. So I pull off and I see, almost immediately see a sign that says four by four.
drive required beyond this point. So I very quickly park right in front of the composting toilet and decide I’m going to walk down the rest of the road to see the river. OK. And as I walked down, it was pretty steep. was a gravel road, but it was pretty steep. I walked down and I see two cars down there. One is a blue Bronco and the other is a silver truck. And the silver truck is decidedly stuck in the sand.
wow. Yeah, it was like fucking buried in the sand almost. And so the drivers of the Blue Bronco, I guess, had gone down for the same reason. I had to go see the river and then come on these people who were stuck in the sand. And so. I am approaching and going, what the fuck do I do here? Like, I’m one little person, but I guess I’ll ask if there’s anything I can do to help. And so I did.
And the lady’s like, no, we just came on them. You keep on your hike, honey. And I’m like, I can’t leave people in the middle of Big Bend Ranch State Park when it’s in the mid 90s. Like, that doesn’t feel right. Yeah. And actually, I’m really glad that I had this situation happen because in that moment, I’m like, no, I need to help. And there was no question in my mind about it.
But I’ve thought about this sort of situation before being in Big Bend Ranch and being in Big Bend National Park, especially when we rented the Jeep. I had the thought occur to me of what if we run across somebody out here and they need help and that just fucks up our trip because we have to stop and help somebody. And I’ll admit that’s a really selfish thought, but this podcast is all about being honest.
And so it felt really good to come on a situation where I had to take time out of my planned trip and for my instincts to be like, no, I’m going to help. There’s no question about this. Yeah. Well, good. So it turns out you are a good person. Not as stone cold of a bitch as sometimes I like to think, I guess. Yeah. So as I kind of walked up, they were about ready to
try to drive out again. so I jump on the truck or not on the truck, but to the front of the truck to try to push because the two people driving the Bronco were pushing and the guy was driving. so, my God, we almost got it out. But that sand was so fucking deep that we didn’t quite make it. So then we’re like, I’m all down on all fours, like digging out sand from under this truck, trying to make it possible to push the stupid thing out. Yeah. But we failed.
We gave it a really good try. And so the Bronco drivers finally were like, hey, well, we were already headed to Presidio. We’ll call somebody for you. And so they have a conversation with the people who are stuck and they all arranged or whatever. And I’m kind of just like standing there going like, I really hate that. these people who are driving the Bronco, I know they’re going to do the right thing. They seem invested, but I just really hate that we’re leaving.
these people stuck down here. And we made sure that we asked if they had food, we asked if they had water and they did. And they said they had lots of gas so they could keep the AC running and stuff like that. So they were gonna be fine in the short run.
But as the Bronco drivers drove away, I was like, hey, I’m gonna go hike hoodoos and I’m passing back here in a couple of hours. I will make sure that you’re gone as I come back. And if you’re not gone, I’ll give you a ride somewhere. Because they clearly were not ready to give up. The man who was driving the car was like still hunting for branches down by the Rio Grande to put under his tires. Like he still thought he was gonna get out. So like he wasn’t looking for.
an immediate escape, otherwise I would have given him a ride. Yeah. I was like, hey, I will come back and make sure that you’re gone. And if you’re not, I will give you a ride somewhere. So that felt like my good Samaritan deed. Yeah. And then I was like, hey, I’m out. Checking it out for the year. I know. Right. So I started hiking back up the road. And as I did that, this fucking humongous truck drives down this road. I was like, oh, this is a big ass truck.
they’re going to be able to help pull them out or do something. And I was like so excited to see this truck come down this road. Yeah. And then like a minute after this truck, here comes the blue Bronco again. like, my gosh, they must have flagged down this truck and asked him to come help. Now we’ve got at least one big strong man with a big strong truck and these other two people in the Bronco. Like these people are going to be fine. Yeah. So I felt really, really good about that. And I hopped back in the insight and drove off down 170.
How much sand is in the front seat of that car now? It was all in my shoes. Well, there’s that. Yeah. So I get to hoodoos. I hike hoodoos. It’s a great, great trail. I don’t remember it being so. Cool when we were down there. Yeah, I don’t remember it super well. I feel like we didn’t stay long and I think we were kind of just goofing around.
think we were too, but it’s really cool. The where you start from your you can see the river really well, you can see the rock formations really well. It’s a really beautiful view where you even just start. And so
I went down at the trailhead, I went to the left, because it’s basically a loop. Yeah. And as I started to walk down, there’s all these cairns and these cairns aren’t just stacked rocks. They are like in a bushel of like. They have like some chicken wire or something, right? And they fill it with rocks. Yes. Super nice. So nice. And there’s arrows attached to them.
So on the first- don’t know how I remember that, but- You’re absolutely right though. So on the first half mile, you’ve got all this and I’m like, man, this signage is so good, especially for Big Bend Ranch State Park. You would have to be trying to get lost to lose this trail. Like, man, I’m gonna, in my blog article, I’m gonna write that, you know, there’s just no way you could lose this trail. And I’m thinking all of this as I hike. And then-
I detour off to go look at the Rio Grande. And when I try to come back to the trail, I can’t find the fucking trail.
You can see the hoodoos and all the rock formations from the Rio Grande. So it’s really obvious where you need to end up. Yeah. So I was able to hike up to there, but it was most definitely not on the trail. And all I could think was like, my gosh, Gabrielle, you were just thinking about what an idiot you would be to lose the trail. And then I went and lost the trail. Nice. So that happened. Yeah.
Eventful first evening. Yes. So then I got back in the car and drove back towards my campsite. I stopped at the river. I was like, I’m almost 100 % sure these people are gone, but I decided I needed to hold up my end of the bargain, what I told them I would do. So I hiked down there and they were gone. Yeah. But fuck, there was a battle there. There was probably 20, 25 feet of like sand and
deep tracks like they fought to get that damn truck out. I don’t think it was easy. Yeah, but they were gone. So I was really glad. Somebody has learned a lesson about driving too far down on the sandy banks. Yes, I think so. Yeah. So then I went back to my campground.
And I’m doing the keto diet right now. And so I as soon as I got back to camp, I started the grill because I was going to grill some ribeye steak for my dinner. so that was that was kind of poor you. I know. terrible. Like a pound of ribeye steak for dinner. my gosh. Practically on the carnivore diet here. Right. And I was just kind of feeling a little nervous.
little anxious because I was the only one at that upper Madeira campground. And the upper Madeira campground overlooks the lower Madeira campgrounds, and there was nobody there either. Like, I am the only fucking one out here. I’m right on the border of Texas and Mexico. Like, literally, the Rio Grande is 100 yards away.
And as it started to get dark, I started to get more and more freaked out about being in a new situation, being all by myself. And the anxiety really started to set in. kind of I think I sent you some panicked texts on the Bivi. Yes, abusing our emergency device to send me an endless stream of every little thing.
Okay. You were anxious about it. I held off for a really long time and didn’t start to text you until I was not getting better. Also, since we have to keep a monthly subscription now, we have a bajillion in one credit. We do have like a ridiculous number of credits. it’s starting to get dark and I’m just totally freaked out about being there, which.
Like I kind of freak out about any kind of new situation. This is not a new thing for me. I should be used to it at this point, but I’m not. And so there’s all these terrible thoughts going through my mind about how there’s going to be violence at the border and I’m going to get kidnapped and sold into the sex trade or murdered or I don’t. I think one of your texts, you said that you saw like a border patrol.
convoy go past down the highway or something. And so then that’s when you really started thinking about like, are people coming over? Why are they here? Yeah, I did see a border patrol truck cruise down 170 and like that should have probably made me feel more secure. But instead I’m like, oh my gosh, why is he here? What’s going on? What do I need to know? And so it made it so much worse.
So it’s starting to get dark and I decide, okay, it’s time to start getting ready for bed. doesn’t get, the sun doesn’t set until about 830 there. And so it was pretty like kind of late before it even starts getting dark. And at this campground, there’s a composting toilet, but there’s no running water. There’s some trash cans that are not bear proof. Like the lids are heavy, but there’s no kind of actual lock to make it bear proof.
And it’s unlikely to see a black bear in the desert in Big Bend, but it’s definitely not impossible. So I was really nervous about bears and I needed to brush my teeth and I needed to wash my hands so that I could take my contacts out. So what do you think I did? I don’t even know. I walked my ass up to the composting toilet.
This is disgusting, I will just say that. I brushed my teeth in the composting toilet facility or whatever and was spitting into the composting toilet because it’s a closed place where the bears can’t get, so they’re just gonna give up or whatever. I don’t know, that’s the thought going through my mind. And I did the same thing with my hands. So I put soap on my hands.
poured water over them and was making sure that the water ran into the composting toilet so that the smell of my pepperminty soap would go into the toilet and not be around my campground area, therefore would not attract bears. Yeah.
Anxiety is a real serious thing.
And I’m very glad that only one of us is afflicted by it. While you’re having anxiety, I’m practically ataraxic, just entirely free from worry. I’m not even checking my texts. Yeah, I’m like texting you, my gosh, I’m going to get kidnapped. my gosh, John, something’s going to happen at the border and I’m going to die. And he’s not even looking at I’m having a beer with your brother because we’ve been climbing all night.
I hate you so much right now. And my do not disturb is kicked in and I’m not seeing these texts
Well, I’m washing my hands and brushing my teeth in a composting toilet meanwhile you’re oblivious. Yep, and so
About the moment that I take my contacts out and am therefore basically blind, I hear a car pull into the lower Madeira Canyon campground. I’m like, my God, who’s pulling in there? It’s some criminal. It’s somebody with nefarious intentions. no, no, no. Because it’s like, it’s like dark. Who shows up after nine o’clock into their campground? Okay. So many people.
so sad that nobody was showing up anywhere that I was like, my God, there’s there’s no way this person’s intentions are good. You were in a deep spiral at this point. So I’m listening. And I think I have deduced that it was a single person because there was no conversation. Okay. And they were walking around down there because I can see their light and I’m like standing up on the upper Madeira Canyon.
part watching this person flashing their light around except that I’m like, oh my God, can they see me? Because there’s almost a full moon rising up behind me. Oh my gosh, can this person just see me standing here like a psycho watching them? Yeah, can say who’s the creepy one now? I’m the creepy one, OK? He would alternately use the white light and the red light. And then I didn’t like hear a bunch of camp making noise. I expected to hear tent stakes. No, never heard any of that.
So I am like having a conniption at this point. I am so anxious. My stomach hurts and I want to puke. Except I’m too scared to puke because if I puke, that’s going to attract the bear. So I’m like, no, you have to hold on to your cookies, Gabrielle. boy. Yeah. So that happened while you were having a beer with my brother. Yeah.
So then I finally decided probably this person is just camping after I’d watched him for a good 20, 30 minutes. I’m gonna go lay down in my tent and try to go to sleep. Only it’s really windy. And this fucking tent, it’s a double walled tent. And generally I love this tent. But it was so noisy in all of the wind because of the two walls in particular.
And because I was so terrified, normally I would turn on a white noise machine and be okay, but I wanted to be able listen for footsteps approaching my tent for when somebody came to kidnap and murder and rape me. Of course. So I was unwilling to turn on a white noise machine. So I lay there for like an hour trying to go to sleep and I just, couldn’t because it was so fucking noisy.
So then, again, I’m in the stupid Honda Insight, which I had let you talk me into taking because it would get so much better gas mileage. Nope, I have to go sleep in the car. I can’t take this noise. I have to sleep. I’m getting up at like five o’clock in the morning. I’ve gotta sleep. So I get up and I have all this shit in the car and I can’t take most of it out because a lot of it has smelly stuff in it. And so I crawl into a tiny space in the car and somehow manage to lay down there.
Only I can still hear the tent. I feel like the tent is even louder than it was. So after about 10 minutes of laying in the car, I get up, I get out. What do you want to say? I just I feel bad that I’m laughing at you. But I was a clusterfuck. I get out of the car and I’m like, oh, yeah, the tent is a little bit louder because one of the fucking stakes has come up and now half of my tent is flapping back and forth in the wind.
See my first thought when you said it was super noisy was that you didn’t have it staked down tight enough I had it staked down tight enough. Okay. I did I wasn’t there. I it was like the little lines or whatever that you tighten or as tight as they would go Okay, It’s been very windy here throughout the whole state. It’s been super windy It was really windy when I was in Davis Mountains with Celeste and in Devil’s river with Celeste, but the difference was
I was willing to turn on the noise machine there and that’s what helped me. I mean, I hear a lot of other parts of the country have been getting crazy storms. So the wind is the least, you know. Yeah. So I have half of my tent flapping around. It’s like 11 o’clock at night. I don’t want this person down in the lower Madeira campground to know that there’s somebody up here, particularly someone who is creeping on them. So I got to get this tent down. Not only so doesn’t fly away, I got to do it quietly.
It would be a rather expensive thing they let fly away. It would be. So I have to take down my tent and put everything away in the middle of the night while trying to be really quiet so that the criminal who’s sleeping down below is not alerted to my presence. Wow. So that all happens. OK. And then I get back in the car and I do manage to fall asleep.
But I have trochanteric bursitis that was aggravated by hiking the Caprock Trailway, which we talk about in another episode. And so laying on my side in this car in cramped quarters really aggravated it. I was in so much pain sleeping in the car because I wasn’t able to lay on my back in the car with the way all the shit was situated.
Yeah, I had to be on one of my sides. That sucks. And I had to be curled up on one of my sides. And so in addition to my hips hurting, I’m getting muscle cramps in the middle of the night. Such a flaming pile of shit. So I woke up organically at four o’clock in the morning, said, fuck it, I’m getting up. So I pack up shit and I head to my trailhead.
I was there, think, by six o’clock in the morning, a little bit earlier, probably. And my intended trail was the Rancherius Falls Trail. So this is an out and back. It’s about six miles long with I think it’s about 1500 feet of elevation gain. not too, too crazy intense. But remember, it is April. And so I really wanted to be off the trail.
Worst case scenario by two o’clock in the afternoon, but I really wanted to be off the trail by by noon One o’clock if at all possible. I felt like that was the safest choice Yeah, absolutely. And so my intention was to start this hike by 6 30 regardless of my sleep quality But I did start it a little bit earlier and it turns out that was probably a good idea So I get to this trailhead. It’s pitch black and I hate hiking in the dark
I keep thinking it’s gonna get easier, it’s gonna be less nerve-wracking the more I keep doing it, and it’s just not getting any easier. Well.
I don’t know what to tell you. So I start this trail. You just have to you just have to stop having anxiety and you won’t worry about things You’ll just be oblivious like me.
I don’t know which is worse. So I’m hiking on this trail in the pitch dark. I mean, there is a moon out, but it’s just it’s not enough. And I’m like talking frequently because I’m terrified of mountain lions. And I keep turning around to look behind me because I’m like, I do have an advantage having the light. If there’s any glowing eyes, I’m going see them. These fuckers are not going to be able to sneak up on me because that light is going to reflect off those eyes. Yeah. Any hoodles I am going. I mountain lions, feel like is
The the most legit fear that you have had given that you were hiking in the dark and like that is That is that is actually Like the first time when I’ve been like, yeah No, that’s like a reasonable precaution to be loud because they’ll typically run away human voices freak animals out especially wild animals and so Yeah, it’s just you know, all the hiking advice says don’t hike at dusk and don’t hike at dawn and don’t hike alone and I’m like I’m doing all of those things right now, so
It does real mountain lines really scare me when I’m hiking in the dark. Yeah. But anyhow, I did it because frying to death in the heat scares me even more than mountain lions. And it’s far more likely. Yeah. So I guess you got to you got to pick your risks. I’m the one out here doing this. I’ve chosen to take on these risks. So I have to decide what the bigger risks are here. Yeah. Yeah. Between dehydration and a potential mountain lion encounter, I would
roll the dice on the mountain line. Yeah. And one other thing I tried to tell myself is it’s spring. There’s been water out here. There’s probably lots of wildlife. These mountain lions are probably eating good right now. Yeah. We get to September, August. Maybe these guys aren’t eating so well, That’s just a crazy thought I had to myself as I was trying to convince myself why I shouldn’t be worried. So I’m hiking along. I’m getting almost immediately you head into the canyon.
But at the beginning of the trail, the canyon’s pretty wide. And so there are quite a few cairns, I think less than a mile into it. I actually ran across running water. So because you’re in a canyon, there’s some pretty frequent areas where water can flow.
I’m kind of hopping back and forth across this water in the dark, not super happy about having to hop back and forth across this water in the dark. The trail’s pretty overgrown. You can tell that water has rushed over in this area because there were some really tall grasses that were bent over in the direction of the water flow. So it’s kind of wild to think about water just like coming through so forcefully that it’s covering up or forcing this grass to lay down.
As the sun started to come up, was getting further into the canyon. It was narrowing a little bit. Now, this isn’t a slot canyon, but as you get into it, it’s definitely a canyon where the trail kind of ceases to exist and you just walk up through the canyon on the path that you think is the best path for your feet. it’s a canyon where you can actually see like the canyon walls and
you feel like you’re hiking in a canyon. It’s not like one of those trails where they say this is a canyon trail and all you see is trees and flat ground. And you’re like, I guess. Yeah, it’s not the canyon hike at Lano River State Park or whatever. knew exactly which one I was calling out there. We got to talk about Lano sometime. But yes, exactly. And this trail. It was a lot more.
challenging underfoot than I thought it would be. so either underfoot it was like sandy, gravely, soft footing where you couldn’t walk quickly. Sure. Or it was big boulders where you had to be really careful that the rock didn’t move, that you stepped on, or that you weren’t going to twist an ankle. There was no middle ground. It was one or the other. So this was a really slow
trail. Like it wasn’t steep, it didn’t gain a ton of elevation, I was never physically exhausted, I didn’t really run out of breath, but I still feel like it was a physically challenging trail because of the footing. Sure, yeah mean it sounds like it. I know hiking on Graveline’s Hand is always just fatiguing or extremely slow. Yeah. Often both. And you know any kind of boulder scrambling is always
Just a little bit stressful. feel like you burn more energy because you’re kind of tense. Yeah. And I was really nervous to roll an ankle out there, especially in a canyon. The bivy stick didn’t always have a signal. Yeah. And I felt like it was just prime territory to break an ankle. So I was a little bit nervous about that. So that’s something to call out. That is, think anyone who owns a satellite device or is thinking about buying a satellite device should be aware.
that the way that satellite communicators work is they have to have direct line of sight to a satellite in the network that they use, whatever network that might be. There’s a few. And so if you are in a slot canyon or any irregular canyon, as the case may be, or down the side of a cliff or in a deep forest where that line of sight is limited or blocked in some way,
Doesn’t matter how expensive or fancy your satellite device is. It’s just a brick if you don’t have line of sight to a satellite. Yeah. So it is. They’re they’re a great comfort to have. They’re extremely handy when you are in a place that doesn’t have cell service, especially if the person that you’re trying to text is paying attention. I hear. Rumor has it that’s that’s the word on the street.
But they do have limitations and those limitations aren’t limited to like the quote unquote cheaper or less expensive ones. That’s true of all of them. That’s just how they work. was, yeah, you’re absolutely right. And I was really surprised at how often the Bivvy didn’t have a signal because I didn’t feel like I was really that hemmed in by the canyon walls. Yeah. So that was kind of startling, a little bit alarming to me.
The nice thing, at least if you’re in an open canyon, generally just you wait, you wait 15 minutes and you’ll get a signal. Yeah. At some point, one of those satellites is passing overhead. Yeah. So as I was kind of going up this trail about two miles in or so, I started to come up on some like groves of trees, like big, tall, green leafy trees. That’s cool. That’s something you don’t see every day out in the desert and Big Bend. I know.
It’s like in this canyon. so it makes sense if you think about it, because water flows through this canyon. But it’s frequent enough that these big old trees can flourish. And where the trees were, it was really overgrown. It’s actually kind of challenging to get through in a couple of spots. And I was really worried about like stepping on a snake or something, because I couldn’t see the ground that I was stepping on because the brush was so thick. And I was just kind of saying a prayer that there was no snakes under there.
so that was pretty cool. And there was about three sections where I went through some, some areas that had some established large trees. So that was pretty cool. Yeah, that’s very cool. So I keep hiking up alternate. At this point, it’s mostly boulders and I got real tired of boulders, but I kept trucking along cause there’s supposed to be waterfalls at the end of this thing. And I’m hiking along and on
Usually each side of the trail, there was quite a bit of greenery. Trees, I’m smelling some honeysuckles sometimes. There’s these trees with like yellow flowers on them. There’s bees. Do remember when we did the lower shut up trail? We were hiking down like some sort of drainage and there was bees everywhere with Celeste and Ray. Yeah.
Those same fucking bees were out here in force. I don’t know if it’s the water that they like or the flowers that they like because they saw them conglomerate around both. I’m sure it’s both. Yeah. But anyhow, there’s all this greenery on each side of the trail. And so I’m aware that there could be wildlife out there and I’m hiking up, minding my own business. And I start to hear some kind of deep guttural noises.
And I can’t see what’s making these kind of deep noises, but my first thought goes to bear because there’s just so much greenery. There’s a lot of food that’s available for them on this section of trail. And I know you do not want to startle a bear. Pretty much any wildlife you want to avoid startling. I don’t know where it is. I know it’s off to the left somewhere. I don’t think it’s super duper close. And so I start to speak in a regular tone of voice to like
Let it know that I’m there and to avoid startling it. Well, the first word or two comes out of my mouth and all of a sudden this javelina barrels out of the bushes straight at me. It’s running full force at me. my God. Yeah. And I like, I don’t even know what’s happening, but I realize this thing is running toward me and I have my bear spray on my hip.
because I always carry my bear spray. And so I pull out the bear spray, get the safety off real quick. And I’m about to fucking spray this little javelina because it’s running right at me. It’s like five feet away from me. By the I didn’t fumble getting my bear spray out like my movements were smooth and fluid, which I’ve never had to do in an emergency situation. But like I said, I think it was probably 20 or 25 feet away from me by the time that I
quickly get my bear spray out. It is five feet away from me and I was about to press the trigger to like spray the fucking pig. Yeah. And it does a sudden 90 degree turn and runs off down the trail that I had just hiked up. So I didn’t have to spray it. I was like, what the fuck just happened here? Yeah. Wow. OK, so yeah, there were no there were no photos or videos about this. You kept this one a secret.
I surely did. Damn. What do have to say for yourself? I have to say that my wife is a badass quick drawing bear spray on a javelina and scaring it off. I forgot to mention, as it starts to run at me at some point, like I didn’t scream, which I would always think that like I scream on rides and stuff that scare me. I just started to yell like not words, but like,
because I was so terrified. So I like to wear a knife around my neck. I don’t like carrying it on my hips because it kind of hits my legs and it gets in my way. So I attach it to a string around my neck. I have a leather sheath and this like five inch blade that I typically carry. But when I…
grabbing all my stuff for this trail. was like, Rancherius Falls is not that big of a deal. Like there’s no big predators out here. it’s super unlikely I’d see a black bear. I don’t need to take the knife. I can spare myself the seven ounces. And as this thing is fucking hurtling toward me, I don’t know if bear spray would work on a javelina.
I’m like, oh my God, what do I do if this thing hits me? If it hits me, I’m going down and then I don’t know what you do from there. Yeah. I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never tried to submit a javelina. I feel like my my my ground game is pretty rusty, especially against wildlife. Yeah. So I have no idea what you’re supposed to do at that point if you don’t have a knife. You’re supposed to fight back.
Yeah, but I don’t know how you fight back when you’re on the ground and have Alina. Yeah, slap scream. Anyhow, I’m really glad it left me alone. At first, I was tempted to think I just scared it and that it panicked and couldn’t figure out where to go. But not unreasonable. That was my initial reaction. But then as I kept hiking and thinking about it, I was like, no, this thing was running straight at me.
It wasn’t dodging back and forth trying to figure out where to go. It came straight toward me. Like the minute I started to talk, it came straight at me and only veered off at the last second. Like this was an aggressive. I don’t know what it was trying to do, but I decided that it was an aggressive encounter. So I, you know, I know bears will like basically like faint a charge in order to try to scare you off.
I wonder if maybe how willing is do the same thing. That’s kind of my first thought is like since it turned away. Yeah, like either the shouting might have been enough to like and the fact that you’re tall, which it makes you seem bigger. May have been enough to for it to be like, I don’t know what the fuck that is, but I don’t want any part of it. Yeah, I’ve changed my mind now that I’ve seen it.
She’s huge. Right. And loud. I’m going to go this way. And that’s possible. It may have been just a faint. It may have been trying to freak you out. And when you didn’t back away. It was like, oh, this must this predator, you know, this must be a predator. And, you know, I thought I was going to win this fight, but clearly it’s not backing down. So I’m going to back down. Yeah, it didn’t give me time to back away like I would have happily given it space. Damn.
Yeah, I don’t know. You know, animal interactions are weird, especially when they’re fast like that. Yeah, I’d be really curious to to hear from somebody who knows more about how Havalina behavior. So I did report this interaction to the Ranger because I did feel like it was very aggressive and I didn’t feel like I felt like I was far enough away that it really shouldn’t have probably triggered an aggressive reaction. So I felt like it was worth telling the Ranger.
Yeah. And she said, you know, I’ll tell our head ranger or whatever. But she’s like, they can be aggressive, especially if they have babies nearby or if they’re like protecting food. So I don’t I don’t know what’s going on. But but have a little kill people. there was a fatality in twenty nineteen. Some some have a little killed a woman when she was like, I don’t know, twenty five feet from the door attacked and killed her in Texas near the Houston area.
damn. So I feel a little bit justified. went through some pretty crazy shit on the Caprock Trailway to avoid have Alina interactions. And having had this aggressive experience, I feel a lot more justified in all of those fears than we have recorded an episode in which we talk about all of the crazy things I did to try to avoid have Alina interactions. Yeah. Yeah. It was a fun episode.
Well, I’ve always heard that you should avoid javelinas if at all possible because they can be like somewhat aggressive. guess I didn’t realize quite how aggressive or that, you know, I’m not shocked that they’ve killed someone in Texas in recent history, but.
I don’t know. It is still disturbing, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we’re used to being at the apex here. Things aren’t supposed to take us down except for us. Yeah. And, you know, I’ve seen and been around so many of them and like Colorado Bend State Park and you just give them space and I’ve been fine. Like you don’t approach them. You don’t feed them and everything is fine. Right. So this is really startling. But I kept moving up the trail.
For some reason I didn’t turn around. I guess because they’re not a predator. I was like, oh, OK, this is a one and done. I’m good. I’m going to keep moving up the trail. Yeah. You won that fight. Move on. I guess so. So at this point, I hadn’t heard back from you. And it was like 8 or 830 in the morning. And I’m like, why hasn’t John texted me back on the Bibby stick? Like, I last heard from him at 9 o’clock last night.
So if he went to bed then, like he really should be getting up. Why is he not texting me? And so I kept texting you like every 30 minutes or so like, hey, you okay? And my mind starts going wild. I was convinced that you were dead in bed and I was running through, okay, what happens when Celeste finds him?
What is she going to do? Like, she’ll be OK. She can get herself food and water. Who do I tell her to call and how do I facilitate this? And so I was just in a total very practical spiral. And it was like, should I turn around and like try to get back to the ranger station so I can get Wi-Fi so I can call John? Because I’ll go through his do not disturb. And then if he hasn’t picked up. Then I know something’s really, really wrong. I’m like, no.
I shouldn’t turn around and in my hike because if he’s dead, me ending my hike earlier is not going to change anything and probably he’s not dead. So you should keep going with your hike. The second one there is the logical one. Yes. I thought I was just being anxious, but like those were the thoughts that were going through my head. Yeah. Yeah. You thought you were just being anxious, but actually I’m a ghost. So, you know,
I’ve listened to a lot of hiking podcasts, a lot of backpacking podcasts, and I either, I’m a big chicken and I’m more scared than your average person, which is totally possible, but I don’t feel like people talk about being scared when they’re through hiking or backpacking or camping. And it’s such a part of the experience for me that I feel like it’s worth talking about. Like I am scared every time I backpack.
scared almost every time that I hike at some point. And I feel like I’m not that crazy. So I feel like there’s got to be some people who are experiencing these same things. And maybe people just don’t want to be seen as little bitches. And I’m here to say, hey, I’m a little bitch, guys. Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, it’s hard to say, right? Like, certainly, I think
with all social media and I feel like podcasts sort of fall into that category, if a bit loosely. There is very often sort of a sanitized or structured or at least performative presentation where you are trying to present yourself in the best light. it’s sometimes, know, a lot of times
I think you also don’t want to feel vulnerable, especially if you were feeling vulnerable, reliving that vulnerability is like the last thing that I think typically you want to do. I say you, I shouldn’t say you, I should say you is in the broader sense, you the listener, how dare you. I’m here to tell you I’m scared shitless pretty much every time that I’m out there and I’m here to tell you about it. Yeah, very clearly.
Very clearly, this episode is the scared shitless episode. It is. I had lot of fears this time, but I didn’t allow fear to win out. No, you stuck it out. You overcame your fears. I did. Or at the very least, you kept going. I did keep going. I did not turn around. No.
Gabrielle (44:37)
So I kept hiking. The last quarter mile of this hike, the canyon walls got really steep. They were really reddish. It was kind of closing in around me, which was kind of cool. The footing was really rough at the end, like big boulders that I’m climbing.
up over and around and then boom all of a sudden I’m there. And I see like this three-foot trickle that I guess you could loosely interpret as a waterfall that ends in this big fairly deep pool of water for a desert and I’m like wow this is this is cool but this is kind of anticlimactic for a
kind of more challenging trail. Six mile long. six mile long. So I’m kind of sitting there staring at these little falls going, wow, this is really cool to see flowing water in the desert. I’m really glad that the water’s flowing. But did I really hike all this way for this? And then I look up into the left and I see a cairn. And there’s no trail that I can see leading to this cairn, but it’s up there.
So I decide I’m gonna go do some scrambling to reach this cairn. So I go around the pool to the left and scramble up some really loose scree to get to this cairn and then all of a sudden I see the falls. So it kind of dips down behind this initial little faux waterfall. And then there’s this, I don’t know, 50 foot, 80 foot waterfall.
that is actually flowing. So it’s not like pouring or gushing, but it reminded me of like bridal veil falls. So more than just a drip, drip, drop. If you’ve ever seen some of the waterfalls in Colorado, they’re called like bridal veils because the flow is discreet, but it’s like actually flowing down. And that’s kind of what it was like here.
And the water’s flowing everywhere all over the rocks. Like you can kind of hop from rock to rock to avoid to get you getting your feet wet. But there’s water everywhere and this water is just kind of misting down and there’s ferns everywhere. That’s very cool. It was quite magical. It kind of reminded me a little bit of Mejikano Falls if Mejikano Falls had water flowing. Yeah.
But it was really cool to see an actual fucking waterfall in the middle of a desert. Yeah, that’s amazing. Yeah. So I kind of hung out there for a little bit, took a bunch of pictures. In that area, it kind of smells a little bit animal-y. I actually was a little nervous when I approached that first little like faux falls because it kind of smelled like musky.
And of course, wherever there’s water, there can be animals. And so I was a little nervous about being there, but I had my eyes peeled, see any wildlife. And so it was a really, really magical spot. Yeah. It sounds like that’s awesome. Yeah. Definitely. I would really like to take you back there sometime and we can really take our time and enjoy. Yeah. Well, I enjoy a boulder scramble, so it sounds.
Sounds like a good time to me. I think you would like it. I say that now. It’s like, so you remember how we went on part of Devil’s Hall in Guadalupe Mountains? Yeah. It’s like that. But for six miles. Well, I could see how that would get old after a while. Yeah. Anyhow, I turned around and headed back and like it was about a quarter mile after I left the falls that I finally got a text from you saying you weren’t dead.
And so then life got a lot better at that point. Yeah.
I was in fact not dead. I know everyone listening was super concerned that I actually was, but I wasn’t. Indeed. So the most challenging thing about going back was keeping the focus on my footing because you know, you’re a little bit fatigued at that point. You’ve got all these boulders. It’s really, really easy to turn an ankle. So I did have to really focus on my footing on the way back, but that was probably the biggest challenge.
It stayed pretty shady on the trail until about 1030 because it’s a canyon. I had the protection of those canyon walls for a while. But once 11 o’clock hit and that sun was out, it was hot. Yeah. Like I didn’t really need it, but I did break out my umbrella just to see how much it helped. And it did help a little bit, but it was still really, really hot. And so it just kind of reinforced to me like how important it would be.
for my hike the next day to be off the trail no later than noon. Like I had kind of thought 2 p.m. That’s fine. I’ll be good. But like, no, I have to be off these trails by noon with how hot it is right now. Yeah. Well, I’m sure it was even worse being in a canyon where it’s sort of closed in and the heat kind of gets absorbed by the canyon walls and reflected around. Well, by that point, I was kind of in the more wide part of the canyon.
So I’m sure you’re that you’re right, but that’s not where I was at this time. Gotcha. So it’s probably even worse back in the canyon at that point. Probably. And when I had checked in at Barton Warnock, I saw all these signs about what they thought the temperature was going to be. But then I saw all these signs about how it can be 20 degrees hotter along the river district and just all these variables with the temperature, which kind of unnerved me a little bit because
It’s not the smartest thing to be hiking in Big Bend in April, but I needed to get away and the temperatures were only supposed to be in the mid 90s. So it was supposed to be fine. Yeah. Anyhow. I made it back to my campground by a little before one, napped, lazed around, journaled, tried to find myself, failed, all that good stuff. As one does. Grilled another steak.
So I decided since my first night had been so horrible, I wanted some redemption. And I typically try to set some intentions for each trip, like what do I want to get out of this trip? And so some of my intentions for this trip is I wanted to kind of welcome and embrace new experiences, which I had failed at so far, despite my best efforts.
But one of the new experiences that I had kind of said I wanted to do before I went out on this trip was, you know, to either sleep in my tent and or to sleep in the hammock under the stars. That’s a big part of why I took the Honda Insight so that I couldn’t just fall back on my safety of sleeping in the pilot. Yeah, it was going to be really uncomfortable if I slept in the car. And it was it was less than learned. But.
At some point as I was texting you, you’re like, enjoy the trip already. I tried to really take that to heart and I feel like it sounds like I was kind of I think you could take my attitude as me being a little bit of a jerk. I was very thrown that you had been texting me so much
I think your anxiety came really strong in the more like in our conversation and I was just like, why are you texting me about getting kidnapped and all of these things like it’s you’re clearly spiraling. You need to like get out of your head and stop. If only it was that easy to just get out of my head. know like trite advice. So fucking stupid. But once I knew you were alive, I like really tried to take it to heart. But I was a little like
You’re you’re almost like ruining the trip for yourself. I am aware of what I’m doing. Do you not think I was frustrated with myself and how I was acting? I’m sure you were but I wasn’t there to talk to you in person. So I was talking to you like after the fact and I was just like stop freaking out and just like have fun like you like hiking. I do like hiking and this is how I act but anyhow, I needed some redemption. So I tried to take your advice to heart. So
Maybe I was a jerk and I’m sorry if I was I was not trying to be I was just like very thrown by the whole situation. I just feel like I have to make that clear. Like I was really surprised. Is this this haven’t happened before. We had the baby for a while. This is not this has not been a thing that’s that’s regular. So I was really startled every time that I would work through one anxiety like beginning that trail.
my mind would find some new anxiety like every fucking time. And so then when you weren’t responding, it was just something that my mind landed on and was obsessing about. And no matter how I tried to combat it, I couldn’t get rid of the feeling of anxiety. Yeah. It’s like my mind just wanted to be anxious, which is incredibly frustrating because I do like hiking and I did like being out there and the falls were beautiful and
Like I’m already ready to go back out on my next trip and. I don’t know why I am the way I am, but anyhow, yeah, and I don’t I don’t don’t blame you. I needed some redemption. Yeah, and I was I felt ready for some redemption. So I was not going to sleep in the tent because that thing is way too noisy. So I decided, all right, I’m going to go full sun. I’m going to sleep in the hammock, but I’m going to set the hammock up with like two feet away from the driver’s side of the car door.
And the car is pointed so that I don’t have to back up. If something happens, I just jump in the car and then I can jet out down the trail or not the trail, the road at five miles an hour. So don’t pop the tire.
I set it up and I had every intention of sleeping out there and I think I did send you a picture didn’t I of my setup. So I hung a little lantern so I could read. I have a my hammock has like a pole that you can it’s for support but I can hang stuff on it too. So I hung a lantern. I hung my bear spray from it.
And I hung my neck knife from it. That’s what that picture was about. I was a little confused as to what that was. What was going on in that picture. But it was just my arsenal of personal protection. Got it. Got it. So I had all that ready to go. So I go, OK, two feet from my car. got all my stuff. I’m going to be fine. And so I did. Oh, oh, I forgot. As I was like eating my steak, all of a sudden I see a truck that has the word sheriff printed on the side.
and a border patrol SUV. And the sheriff truck comes down into my campground, and I’m thinking he’s going to come down and talk to me or something. I don’t know. But he stops at the composting toilet, just turns around, and jets back the way he came. like, hmm, that’s weird. I guess they’re just patrolling. And the border patrol car goes down into the lower Madeira campground, which is much, much larger. And he’s like,
cruising around the whole campground. I’m like, oh great, this is awesome. Like people are gonna know they can’t cross here. It’s gonna be like, they know it’s patrolled. And then the sheriff car goes down there and does like the same thing. And all of a sudden I started to go, they didn’t do this last night. Why are they doing that this tonight? Do they have a reason to be patrolling extra? What’s going on? Should I not be here? Is there some sort of activity at the border?
And so I start to freak out, but I kept it kept under control that time. Yeah. Like, no, this is this is routine patrol. I should feel reassured by this.
And so I get in my hammock for the night and I do actually manage to fall asleep and I made it the whole fucking night in the hammock out under the stars with I think what was a full moon over me. So that felt pretty cool in the morning when my alarm went off to realize, my gosh, I made it through the whole night. I’m I’m honestly super jealous. I love those big bin skies. There were no stars, though, because the moon was like basically so bright.
I didn’t even need like when I would get up to go to the bathroom or even when I would get up to get something from the car, I didn’t need to turn on a light. Yeah, when the when the moon is full or you’re close enough out there, is kind of shockingly once your eyes have adjusted. Like if your eyes aren’t adjusted, it’s pitch black. But once once they’ve adjusted, yeah, it’s like it’s like a spotlight overhead. It’s like, know.
on a TV show when it’s supposed to be night, but also like they want you to be able to see the actors. It’s kind of like that, I feel like, where it’s almost like this fake darkness. You’re like, can, can, know, clearly there are lights being shown on these people. I feel like that’s kind of how I remember it. Yeah. Where it’s like, I thought was dark, but it’s not. Yeah. Yeah, was wild. But.
Yeah, we have to definitely have to get back out there with with a new moon. Sleep under the stars. Yes, absolutely. I’m ready for some darkness out there. So I got up at five, which was actually kind of tricky because my phone likes to switch to mountain time and put me an hour back. So I set my alarm for four o’clock in the morning, hoping it was five o’clock, which I think it was. Based on when the sun rose and stuff.
But I packed up everything because the temperatures had climbed a lot more than what they were predicted to be. So this was Sunday morning that I woke up under the stars and the highs for that day had rocketed up into the mid hundreds. And so when I had originally planned this trip,
the highs were supposed to be in the mid 90s. And so I felt like I could work around that. And as long as I was off by two o’clock, I’d be okay. And even if something happened and I got lost or whatever, like it’s the mid 90s, like, no, it’s not ideal, but I’m probably not gonna heat stroke out and die of dehydration out there. But once you get into the hundreds, I feel like your threshold for air goes down significantly and that you really need to be off the trails pretty early.
Which makes me nervous because then what if something happens? You don’t have the luxury of being able to just spend the afternoon out there on those trails. And so I decided I was going to do the Fresno Trail. I was going to loop it with over by the Contrabando Trail system. I was going to do the West Main Trail to the Dome Trail to the Fresno Trail. And that’s all starting from the.
West Contrabando trailhead. And that was gonna be about an eight mile loop and I was planning to be off the trails by noon and then I was gonna go home. So I got up, I got to the trailhead, I was hiking by about 620, 630 and it was so bright there that I didn’t actually really need the headlamp. I used my headlamp because I was scared and all the old stupid fears.
came creepy in, but it was bright enough with the moon that you could see the trail. There were times I would turn off the headlamp and just walk in the light of the moonlight towards these mountains on this big, wide, single track trail. Pretty magical. It was pretty awesome. And I was a lot less scared on Sunday morning than I was on Saturday morning. Yeah. And so I started out on that West Main Trail, which is part of the Contrabando trail system.
And the Contrabando Trail system is a multi-use trail. So it’s designed for hiking, for biking, and for horseback riding. And so the trail was really fast and easy to walk on. And as I was walking and I was like, oh my gosh, I could see how even I could have fun mountain biking on this thing. It seemed like a really fun, really easy mountain biking trail. As the sun started to come up, I started to get
a little bit nervous because, when you’re hiking in any kind of like… I guess I would say desert is when I’ve experienced it the most. Sometimes you’ll catch breezes that are really cool, that kind of like waft up from a lower area. Yeah. But what was kind of unique here is that I would catch those really cool breezes and go, man, I’m chilly. But then there would be some breezes that would waft up from God knows where and they would be hot.
Like seven o’clock in the morning before the sun had come up. Wow. I don’t know where that hot air is coming from, but I need to hurry the fuck up so can get off this trail. Yeah. I think the only time we’ve had like a hot breeze like that is like that when I’ve been out there is I think actually it was in the national park when we were at that, that abandoned mine and that hot air is blowing up and we’re like, this is probably blowing toxic gases into our lungs. Maybe we shouldn’t stand in this.
Turns out it was just bat guano. know, potato, potato. Yeah. So anyhow, and I am seeing like the sun kind of coming up, sun rises in the east. So I’m seeing it kind of come up behind the mountains and I’m like, my gosh, I got to hurry, hurry, hurry. There’s there’s nothing like a rising sun to put pep in your steps. You don’t fright a death out here because there’s no like there is no tree cover whatsoever. Lots of like desert scrub.
But no tree cover. There’s no shade out there. Yeah. This is the true desert. You’re not in a canyon or someplace where you can hide from the sun. Yes. Like you are going to fucking fry out there. And so I knew I was planning an eight mile loop. I knew I was starting at like, you know, no later than 630. So I really should have been off the trail by 1030 because I can typically cover two miles an hour.
But I was so nervous that I was I was covering three miles an hour, actually. Damn, that’s impressive. It’s impressive for me. I mean, that’s that’s I think that’s hard to sustain over over, you know, even moderate terrain. You’re carrying a pack with water and stuff. let me tell you what I was carrying. boy. OK, so I was carrying three liters of my camelback. I was carrying a liter. In my pack.
And then I decided, because it’s really hard for me to drink hot water, I decided to pack our insulated water bottle with cold water so that if shit hit the fan, I would have cold water. Worst case scenario, in the heat of the afternoon. And that bottle’s heavy. Yeah. Like, I don’t know how much it weighs, but at least a pound. It’s a heavy bottle.
But I packed that thing and stuck it in my little pocket. Yeah, that’s a lot of water. It was so much more water because on Rancherius Falls Trail, I carried the same amount of water minus the insulated water bottle. I consumed one and a half liters across 12 miles, and I felt like I was drinking constantly, like I wasn’t dehydrated. Yeah.
One and a half liters, John, and I carried five. What did I decide to do the next day? Carry the same amount of water for a shorter trail. Yep. Yep. I will not run out of water. OK. It’s a good thing that you train with like tire drags and heavy carries while wearing a weighted vest. Well, and that’s kind of how I looked at this hike. I was like, I know I’m carrying too much water, but if nothing else, this is a good training hike. Yeah. Like, you know, whatever.
So I’m hiking along and the scenery is pleasant enough, but it was pretty nondescript until I hit the intersection with the Fresno Trail. And this is the trail that the Rangers had recommended, because I had actually kind of talked to them about like, hey, what are the best trails along this section? What would you recommend? And they said that the Fresno Trail was probably the best. So as I start going down the Fresno Trail back towards the car, was really pretty. There’s some really gorgeous mountains and some really undulating terrain.
And I was going downhill on it because I had done all my uphill on the Dome Trail. Always nice. Always so nice. And like this trail was rated as difficult by the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department. I’m like, I don’t know why I like calling this difficult. So I’m cruising along, enjoying the scenery. And I get to about a mile away from the car. OK, and I’m cruising.
I’ve got a bad feeling about this. should have a very bad feeling about this. The terrain’s really easy underfoot. It’s not particularly like I don’t need to be looking at it to keep my footing and to avoid like tripping or breaking an ankle. And so I’m looking up a lot. I’m not always looking down where I’m stepping. And all of a sudden I look down and in fucking in the middle of the trail, there’s this coiled up Western diamondback rattlesnake. What the fuck? Yes.
my God. I was going to step on him. I don’t know. My guardian angel must have been looking out for me. Because I had not been looking down. This snake was coiled in the middle of the trail. By the time I saw him, I was probably four foot away. Soon as I saw him, I backed up, gave him space. Yeah, he didn’t react at all. But yeah, I just about stepped on a Western diamondback rattlesnake.
Wow. real wildlife adventures on this trip. Yeah. I’m over wildlife adventures. So kind of some, some fun things about Western diamond rack rattlesnakes. They are aggressive and easily excitable and even more fun. This species causes more fatalities than any other snake in the United States. good. Yeah. Wonderful. Yeah.
So I kind of stood there for a minute going, my fuck, my gosh, my gosh, I almost just like was in a really bad situation. And then I got out, I got the phone out and took some pictures of him, some videos, because he was not reacting at all and I was a safe distance away. And I don’t think I was ever within his striking distance because this was a smaller snake. He was coiled up. I couldn’t see his tail, but his pattern is consistent with the Western
Diamondback.
And so then I walked around him like when you run across a snake on the trail, you are not supposed to force them off of the trail. You’re not supposed to mess with them. That’s how you get bit. You go around them and you don’t fuck with them. So that’s what I did. And I’m walking down the trail still kind of in shock, looking at everywhere my feet are going. And then I see these bikers coming up toward me and I’m like, my gosh, I better I better stop them and warn them.
And so normally it’s courteous to get off the trail to allow bikers to go by. And I’m in the middle of the trail walking towards them, not budging. And I think there is a man and a woman. actually think the guy was kind of annoyed with me. I’m like, hey, just so you know, there’s a snake right in the middle of the trail about 200 feet back. And the guy doesn’t even hardly stop. He slows down, but he keeps moving. don’t like.
to him. It was the woman that I talked to and she’s like, is it a rattlesnake? And I was like, I think it is. And she’s like, oh my gosh, thank you so much. And they keep moving on. But I feel like he was just kind of annoyed and like, bitch, you’re going to run right over it it’s going to tag you. So that was weird.
You know, can’t help somebody that doesn’t want to be helped. This thing, John, it blended in so perfectly. I’m going to do an Instagram post of the pictures and the videos that I took of it, but its camouflage truly was perfect to just absolutely mind blowing. I had to crop the photo. I posted it on Facebook and a couple of.
groups to ask like I thought it was a Western diamond back, I wanted some confirmation. So I posted it. But for people to be able to see this fucking snake, I had to crop just down to the snake because if it was just a big wide zoomed picture, you couldn’t find the snake in the picture. Hardly. Damn. Yeah. Like. It was it was wild.
Well, that’s scary. I’m glad you’re alive. Me too. And I was kind of contemplating what would I do had I stepped on it? Like, what would I have done? Because there’s nothing there’s no first aid that you can do on the trail for yourself if you are bitten by a venomous snake. Yeah. None of the stuff that you’ve heard of doing a tourniquet, sucking it out, cutting it. None of that works is actually harmful.
people don’t recommend that you do it. People who know what they’re talking about, medical professionals, herpetologists, who study snakes, don’t recommend that you do that. Right. And so the only thing that you can do is try to stay calm because an increased heart rate is going to increase your circulation and going to increase the venom throughout your body.
It’s like telling you to stop being anxious. It is so helpful. It’s like somebody telling you to enjoy the trip already. The most useful thing someone could say. So that’s one thing that you can do to try to help yourself. So generally, if you’re in a group, they recommend, I think, that you just sit down and wait for some help. But I thought, what would I have done? Because it’s a hard call to make, being so close to my car, knowing that SAR would take so long.
Yeah, I think that I don’t know if this is the right choice, but I think I would have hiked out gotten in the car and driven to the ranger station if it had tagged me. Because I think search and rescue would have taken so long. Yeah, but yeah, it was kind of a sobering thing to think about.
Yeah, I mean, it’s it’s a tough like. Kind of a tough call to make in that situation, but it’s rare that you would be in a situation where you would consider calling for a search and rescue where you’re within a mile of your car. That’s very uncommon, especially where you would be within a mile of your car and mobile. Like typically you’d be like, well, I’m a mile away from my car, but I broke my leg, so I’m going to call for search and rescue. Yeah.
I say typically like that’s the thing that just happens. That’s normal. Yeah, you know. But that’s like in terms of search and rescue situations, that’s what you would think of. know, I’ve I’ve, you know, stepped in a gopher hole and broke my ankle and I can’t walk or I fell. I fell five foot down into a river bed and broke my leg.
But yeah, that’s kind of a good question. I am not 100 % on what the correct course of action. I think if I had been with you, that I would have taken you to the car and gone to the ranger station or yeah, probably the ranger station because there’s basically no real hospitals anywhere remotely convenient. Yeah, they would have had access or like permissions to drive faster or could have gotten an ambulance, you know, like whatever they have the infrastructure.
to help, I assume. And it would have been faster than calling star for sure. Yeah. Yeah, I do think I probably would have hiked out.
because it just would have taken so long to get somebody out there, but, I didn’t like having to think about that. And I just was so startled at how well it blended in. And I don’t know what made me look down. I had no reason to look down and see it. See that’s, we had this conversation before you left. I think you’ve discovered the situation where it would make sense.
for you to text me on the Bivi that you were in an emergency, but not immediately call for search and rescue. Yeah, that’s true. I was like, why would you ever text me if you’re in an emergency where you actually need help? Texting me, like there’s an SOS button on the Bivi that you push that calls for search and rescue. That’s actually a good sends them your GPS location. And I couldn’t think of a situation where
You would text me before you would push that button. I think you literally stumbled across it. Oh, gosh, I did. So that’s like the one situation where you would say, I’m going to text you because I would then be able to call the Rangers and say, my wife was bitten by a snake. She’s mobile right now. Here’s her current GPS location. She’s on her way to this ranger station. Yeah.
you know, if someone can, can, you know, be on the lookout for her. Well, even in that case, if you were able to call the Rangers, I could stay put and they could cut, know, like if I knew somebody, could even get to the car just so you’re out of the sun. Well, either that or just staying on the trail, like whatever. Regardless. If I knew help was coming and I had somebody communicating with help, that’s a very different story than hitting the SOS button and hoping somebody shows up. Well, and they do contact you.
with the SOS button. have, I don’t know how you didn’t know that. They have your phone number. They text me back? They text you and say, what’s your situation? I guess I just always assume my phone would be dead if I was hitting the SOS button. I don’t know. That’s a fair assumption. Yeah, but no. What happens if your phone’s dead and you don’t text back? They just come? They just come for you. OK, cool. Yeah. And you know.
So we can’t just come and get you if you don’t respond. They’re assuming like, OK, this person is in real bad shape. We cover a lot of this in our creating an effective safety plan episode that aired a couple of weeks ago. So definitely go and check out that if you’re kind of wondering what we’re talking about with all this communication and the baby stick. We cover all that in detail. Yeah. I think maybe there’s probably. At some point, maybe we should do an episode talking about search and rescue and.
That’s not that’s a topic that I kind of want to learn more about. I feel like you just in this moment discovered that you also want to learn more about it. I just realized I have a friend who’s done search and rescue in Yosemite. We should have him on the on this podcast. Yeah, there we go. Boom. We’ll let you guys know all the details. Yeah. So anyways, you did not step on a snake. You did not have to get extracted.
from the wild by helicopter or any other such dramatic thing. You narrowly avoided it, tried to warn some people and one of them took it well. Yeah, I’m over wildlife encounters. normally I really enjoy seeing wildlife. I am OK if I don’t see any wildlife for my next couple of trips. That was a little too much for me. That was a lot. That was a lot. I was that.
That was your last hike. That was my last hike. I packed up and came home to you and then we recorded this episode. Yeah, and you drove fast. You got here like an hour and a half earlier than I was expecting you. I thought I was going to be so exhausted because I hadn’t slept well, you know, for the I slept well under the stars, but the previous two nights I was going on like four hours of sleep, so I thought I was going to pull off and like take some little naps. Yeah, but I’m so excited to see you, boo.
I was so excited to still be alive. I was actually. Yeah, I can see how, you know, you talked about seeing the sun come up in the desert will put some pep in your step. feel like almost stepping on a rattlesnake might also put some pep in your step and maybe maybe add a little lead to your foot. No, no, I didn’t go very fast after the rattlesnake. Again, it’s like it’s not predatory.
So I’m tired at this point. I’m just saying you got home real quick. I see. lead in the car on the gas pedal. Yeah. I’m sure the listeners picked up on that, didn’t they? I think they probably did. But there’s probably at least at least one person out there who also didn’t get it. Now you’ve explained the joke. You’re welcome. Yeah, I got it from the beginning. I just felt the need to explain it. Yep. Yep. Of course. Naturally.
All right, well, I guess that is the end of this episode of this fucking trail. Thanks everyone for hanging out with us. See you next time. Happy hiking.